Can i not drive my cunt home
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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