Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
