I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
