Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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