I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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