Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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