i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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