I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
