I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
