Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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