Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
