well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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