There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
