Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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