Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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