She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
