She is in my trunk
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize