remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
