Don't you send me to vm
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My ass is underappreciated
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
