Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
