Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
