Hey man sorry I got all grabby
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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