We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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