I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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