Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
