I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
