i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
