$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
