This girl is more easily done than said...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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