I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
