At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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