so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
