alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
