I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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