barbara walters just said penis...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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