"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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