you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
