do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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