At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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