Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
