Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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