This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
