You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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