its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
