I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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