How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
