Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
