Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
