I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
