funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
