hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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