so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
