I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They took my balls.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
