that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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