I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
