shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize