my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
