Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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