Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
