Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
