Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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