New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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