It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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