i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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