dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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