I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize