I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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