Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
