Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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