his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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